Crosswinds

Adoogen - Useless sack of ...
   The temptation of unlimited free space… no pop-ups… it was too much to handle, so I first signed up to crosswinds. Little did I know that all those promises would go away and be replaced with millions of pop-ups and service that was as reliable as a five year old with a colt pistol and the safety off. What I was suppose to suspect from a Canadian webhost? Not much. This is the story of Tony *the creator of crosswinds? I dunno, he updates at least* and his journeys.

There once was a little websurfer who thought he was the best at what he did. He had a webhosting service that suckered in millions with it’s false hopes, and squashed their dreams flat once they signed up. He was nothing short of being satan’s cousin. One day he was working on his computer when suddenly words started to flash on his screen.
The Day Is Coming
Tony didn’t think anything of it, and he kept typing away. The next day while Tony was looking up pornography the screen cleared and the words flashed again.
The Day Is Coming
Now it was one thing to interrupt his work, but messing with his porn was another thing Tony couldn’t take. Quickly, he did an Ip scan to see if he could catch whoever it was but got nothing. His porn returned and he just went to back to what he did best. A few weeks later Tony was lowering the standards of crosswinds.net when suddenly words flashed on the screen.
The Day Is HERE
"Alright that is it! Come on! I’ve been working with computers all my life and no one has ever annoyed me this much. So whoever you are, come out and show yourself!" Tony screamed. "I am…… the one" the computer wrote out slowly
"Huh? "-Tony
"I am the one…. Who has written to you. Throughout the Internet the concerns of crosswind users have subconsciously formed into one being- no, a software, given orders to execute and run…."
"What kind of cryptic jargon is that? It made no sense at all- wait, that means this has got to be something anime-related! Oh no, I’m too young to die"-Tony
"I am here to break the boundaries between your world and the Internet, to make them one dimension. I am called Lain, but to you it’s god."
"Wait a minute… I saw that anime! You’re that little under-developed eighth grader! I am going to squash you like all those who oppose me in Half-Life!"-Tony
"Bring it on"-Lain
Tony was then sucked into the computer and started to speed through the web at incredible speeds, he saw other streaming data flying around and marveled at it. He squinted ahead and saw a huge pillar towering over him, wires connected everywhere and it seemed to vibrate with an electric hum to it. He stopped abruptly on a platform and was lowered down. On the other side he saw a little girl, looked about the age of 13, skinny, with a depressed face.
"Oh I am going to beat you like a runaway slave." Tony exclaimed. But then he could see nothing and felt a little cramped.
The stadium was clear, then on two kids walked on from opposite sides. One kid looked unfamiliar and seemed to be a no-name that was just thrown into the story, we’ll call him Chuck. The other looked a little like Ash from Pokemon and was just different enough to prevent law suits against this site.
"GO! Lain! I choose you!" Ash screams.
"GO! Tony! I choose you!" Chuck yelled.
Tony and Lain zapped out of little Pokeballs and awaited commands.
"Start off with fury swipes" -Ash
"Dodge and counter-attack with tackle!"- Chuck
You must remember that Tony and Lain are avid fans of the computer, and never really got the exercise they truly needed. So just imagine the speed of a ninety year old man reaching for the remote control and you have this battle. Lain missed with fury swipes and Tony missed too. It was going to be a long battle. Lain and Tony weren’t thrilled anymore either and started to gather power. Lain got her power from surrounding net users, and Tony got his from crosswind users (of course)
"We don’t have the limitations of human bodies anymore…Let the real fight begin"-Lain
Suddenly both disappeared in a brilliant flash. Trading blows in the sky they saw that they were evenly matched, or else my story would be over by now. They both hovered down to the platform and stared at each other. "You realize that this fanfic is getting to be really long… I will not hold back any longer"-Lain. She started powering up even more. Tony did the same, but suddenly his power was cut off. He searched through the accounts and saw his users leaving to go sign up with other webhosters.
"Nooooooo!" -Tony. Lain charged up a huge blast, preparing to annihilate Tony. She shot it out and Tony was instantly dissolved in the light.

Recap::
Sometimes fanfics just go on too long for the writer’s taste
CROSSWINDS IS EVIL
TONY IS EVIL
lain is good
pokemon battles leave something to be desired
uhhh, watching Saturday Night Live and writing a fanfic is hard